Tek a Boo (of Shame), Son

Sometimes, you see something which just makes you stop and say, WOW.


Sometimes, jaws are forced to fall into much lower positions for, what many would call, unbeleivable tekkers:

(Sorry for the dodgy quality - it was the only one I could find)

But sometimes, the response is caused by pure and utter shock - take this for example:

Oh, John O'Shea... Was that a shot at goal? Really?

Katee.

A Goal a Minute (and a bit)

Question:
Would I want to be a Madron fan?


Answer:
No.


Question:
Did I know anything about a club called Madron before I caught sight of this story?


Answer:
No.


Well, on the 20th November 2010 possibly THE worst side non-league team from Cornwall was beaten 55-0 by league leaders (the league being Cornwall's Mining League Division 1) Llogan Reserves. Now, I'm sure that's more a rugby score.

Madron were left to play with 7 men and no recognized goalie as many of the 'team' had dropped out prior to the match. Lack of team spirit much?


Amazingly, Madron are not actually currently at the bottom of the table. EVEN with a goal difference of -203.

Katee.

Because Cream IS the New Pink.

So, Everton's away kit has been well documented - it's now official that it is possibly one of the worst kits of all time. Well, in the Premier League at least.

But it seems as if the Everton kit designers haven't gone completely barmy, and have actually created a slightly 'classy' third strip.

So, it's not that imaginative, but it sure does beat the pink one!

Katee.

Leapfrog Anyone?

We all know how much fun playing Leapfrog is... or not. But Emmanuel Eboue seems to have taken this theory to a WHOLE new level - he's playing by himself, claiming that 'it is part of his warm up routine'.

Katee.

England Goal Was NOT Over the Line... With Evidence.

Taking a break from the series on the fit footballers of the world cup, I thought I would just enlighten you that that Frank Lampards goal in the England vs Germany game was infact over the line.

Don't believe me?
Just check the picture below.

Katee.

MMMM. Danish Pastries.

Question:
What do I love more than Danish pastries?

Answer:
Danish football players.

Seeing as this is the last day of the group stages I thought that it was important to ensure that I include as many teams as possible before they leave the competition... :'(

So, below you will find the 5 hottest Danish players. :) :) :)

Number 5...

Martin Jorgensen.

Some what of an odd choice admittedly, but unfortunately I was only able to find four moderately fit Danish players... :/

Number 4...

Daniel Agger.

Definitely looks better in the flesh and is NOT photogenic, but ah well... he's not that bad.

Number 3...

Nicklas Bendtner.

Owner of the sharpest slope between hairline and eyebrow, Nicklas just has something above the other two... (Not much to compete with when one considers number five).

Number 2...

Thomas Sorensen.

Big fan.

Nummer et...  Danish for number one. :)

Simon Kjaer.

Two things to say about Simon...

• Pretty Boy - I almost cannot bare it... maybe Thomas Sorensen should be number one??
• SO Scandinavian looking it is almost ridiculous.

 

What do you think??

Is Simon Kjaer too pretty for your liking??

And is there ANYONE that I can put for number five instead of Martin Jorgensen??

Katee.

Va. Va. Frickin' Voom.

So, yesterday the French squad were eliminated from the World Cup.

Happy Face - That's one less team to worry about in the World Cup, although the French looked a wee bit merde anyway.

Sad Face - No more fitties to admire like the ones below. That's not even sad, that brings tears to my eyes. :'(

Ah well, to me they are technically still in the World Cup until the group stages are OFFICIALLY over, so to continue my mini-series, here are the top five scrummiest Frenchmen at the World Cup.

Number 5...

Hugo Lloris.

Admittedly not the fittest in the French squad, but that is why he's number five... However, there is  something ever so slightly cute about his slightly small head and 'quite' large, but lanky, body.

 

Number 4...

Patrice Evra.

Although the 'bad boy' of French football REALLY annoys me on the pitch, what with all his diving and dirty tackles, he often removes his shirt.... NOM. NOM. NOM.

Number 3...

Florent Malouda.

Okay, so you may think... WHY?? But, just look at the cheek bones... and forget about some of the hairstyles...

And for those unfamiliar with him, he's the one on the left.

Number 2...

Thierry Henry.

The man with zee most A-MAZE-ING French accent... as seen on the Renault Clio adverts.

Number 1...

Yoann Gourcuff.

Yet again, a man that just seems to be constantly semi-naked.

Katee.

You Could be my Neighbour... Home and Away??

Okay, so as this post goes on you'll realise how shockingly bad that title was.

On with the post though...

The World Cup: probably one of the most sexist events on TV.

Oh sorry, I mis-spelt that - I meant sexiest events on TV.

Which is why I have decided to do a little 'Mini-Series' of posts cataloguing the sexiest players of each country at the World Cup. Most of those that read this then may think that this means that there will be 32 posts (there are 32 teams in the World Cup for those without my endless knowledge...) - this would be wrong as there is not enough time, but I am going to try and fit in as many as I can before the World Cup ends...

So referring back to the title, (yes, I know it's a bad title), I thought I would start with the Australian Socceroos, seeing as it is looking very unlikely that they will be getting through their group.

Number 5...

Carl Valeri.

He looks good in a suit, and can look down a camera in a 'smouldering' way...

Number 4...

Nikita Rukavytsya.
Admittedly I had to copy and paste his name into this post, because I can't say it - let alone spell it. But he's kinda fit, so who cares?

Number 3...

Tim Cahill.

He takes his shirt off ALWAYS.

Do I need to explain any further?

Number 2...

Lucas Neill.

I can't really explain it, but there is just something there...

And the top spot goes to...

Harry Kewell.

Purely because of the below advertising campaign for Politix...

Let me know what you think...

Katee.

Scan that Man!!

So, it appears to be a well known fact that Michael Ballack looks a 'tad' like Matt Damon, but Ballack's new advert for L'Oreal seems to have taken this theory a step too far...

Katee.

It's All Gouda!

So, I thought it was time for a world cup crime update... And I thought that this one just about topped the bunch!

An Argentinian football fan called Ernesto Soldati stole a slice of Gouda from a supermarket in Pretoria. The master criminal saved a massive R12.99 in doing so – or he would have saved R12.99 if he had escaped capture. But alert security staff collared him and he ended up being hit with a R200 fine. I would say that that is some expensive cheese, but 200 South Afican Rand comes to about £17.81...


Charged with theft at a special World Cup court, Soldati claimed he was in the shop with friends who left him behind. Quite why that’s an excuse to steal cheese, I don’t know.

But, I guess it's all Gouda!!

Katee.

Hang On A Minute...

Does any one else see something wrong with the New York Post's headline?

Katee.

Bongo-Bongoland and the Former Soviet Republic of Bulimia...

The Daily Mail has never really been world renowned for it's 'understanding' of events and the world news, and this appears to have rubbed off on its readers. One reader appears to have very strong ideas on the world cup:

Katee.

Classic Embarrassment

Question:

Take three Brazilian world cup players, "Single Ladies" by Beyonce, and rip off the dance to it... What do you get? Embarresment

Answer:
This.

Katee.

Lionel Messi Snores Like A Wildebeest...

Well, sort of...

It seems that Lionel Messi has a big (or more precisely ‘loud’) problem if recent quotes made by his international room mate Juan Sebastian Veron are anything to go by.

When asked if there was any disharmony within the Argentinian World Cup camp this year, Veron told reporters that the only issue threatening to disrupt the peace was that of L’il Leo’s nocturnal sinus congestion.


Speaking to the Telegraph, Veron said;


“He’s a good room mate, a small problem is that he snores a lot, but that can be resolved with a pillow.”


Should the wee Barca man turn up face down in a river at any point during the next few weeks, the South African police force have now got a pretty solid suspect/motive to begin their investigations with.

Katee.

No More Talk...

Just in case you forget Ashley...

OK, fine. So Nike didn't actually make Ashley wear this - Photoshop did.

Just in case you were wondering what they were actually doing standing like prats in a triangle formation, they were at Niketown's 'No More Talk' campaign launch before heading to South Africa.... Where they actually looked like this:

Katee.

Just Didier It.

Question:

Is the Nike world cup advert the best football advert EVER?

Answer:
Yes, yes it is.

What do you think? Do you like it?

Katee.

You've Got To Learn The Lingo!

Being a girl and actually liking football genuinely shocks guys. Their jaws literally drop.
Being a girl and being able to understand the lingo of football genuinely shocks guys too. They literally have heart attacks.

So, the universal language of lads can seem pretty much like an alien speaking, particularly for the uninitiated.
Here are a few key phrases to help you make sense what the commentators are babbling on about:
'Holding up the ball' - We're not talking about tight boxers here, but a players ability to keep the ball and not lose it in a tackle, (tackle is not what you think either!)
'Nutmeg' - not the spice, but the move where one player kicks the ball between the legs of an opposing player.

'Tricky Brazilian' - This is not some painful grooming procedure, it's a skillful player from South America.

Once you've mastered the basics, try slotting something like the following into your conversation, "Let's hope Capello's insistence on a rigid 4-4-2 structure instead of a diamond formation doesn't limit our central attacking options. I'd have gone with the 4-5-1." (This means how the manager, Fabio Capello, has decided to play the team, with so many at the front, in the middle and at the back of the pitch.)

Katee.

Germany Sign South Park For World Cup Song

My first ever post on this blog was based on the fact that England have no official song for the world cup - very sad. So the Germans have taken my view that the world cup song is a CRUCIAL part of the world cup campaign and have come up with an official world cup song, and although I'm not a fan of Germany when it comes to matches against England, when South Park works their magic they become irresistible and I find myself singing/humming this to myself over and over and over again.
So, go on, indulge. I even managed to find one with English subtitles... I didn't understand very much of the first one I found...

Katee.

Great Footballing Lookalikes...

So, I thought I'd let myself again get a little sidetracked from the world cup and take a look at some great footballing lookalikes...

Take a look and enjoy!

Fernando Torres and Bruno

Arsene Wenger and Basil Fawlty

Phil Brown and Hugh Laurie

Owen Hargreaves and Mark from Ugly Betty

Sven Goran Eriksson and Mr. Burns

 David Seaman and Earl from My Name is Earl

 Didier Drogba and Denise Lewis

Some of them are more uncanny than others... but leave me a comment on which one you like best!! 

Katee.

“The internet has literally exploded, Richard… Yes, I do mean literally.”

 

“The internet has literally exploded, Richard… Yes, I do mean literally.”

Jamie Redknapp. Pure Genius.

According to Hitwise, some boffins who are paid to analyse the web,at least 20% of all the online searches in the UK last week contains the words 'world cup', with no less than 25,000 different individual searches. We are going world cup CRAZY!

Here's a chart to show this craziness:

Now I just have to put the 'world cup' in every post title, (so that Google can find me)!

Katee.

USA Hire Magician For Their Long Coach Trips...

As much as I want this to be true, it just isn't, but they have something close - Herculez Gomez.

Some football fans had been questioning why he had been called up to the squad - but we now know it was for sheer entertainment.

Come one and all to experience the magic Herculez Gomez below, with his glamorous assistant... Jozy Altidore??

Katee.

Supposedly Playing With Pants is OK...

Having based my first two posts on the world cup, I thought Blogger deserved a well-earned break from the constant coverage of the world cup by a huge portion of its bloggers.

So, I have turned my attention to the genius that is footballing nicknames.

In Germany, most nicknames tend to stick to the idea that a nickname should be short, sweet and simple. For example, when Jan Koller, (Right), was at Borussia Dortmund he was called "Lange", which can be simply translated as "Long", which seeing as he is 6"7 and a half feet, pretty much explains itself.

In England however, we seem to be a little what I like to call, uninventive. There appears in England only to be three different ways to form someones nickname. The first is just to add a simple 'y' to the end of anyones name. Giggsy, Scholesy, Bridgey, Coley - the list is endless.

The second is to take the first syllable of a surname, and then just stick and 's' on the end of it - Lamps, Curbs, Shilts etc. The main problem is when you get someone like Fulham's (My team) John Pantil. You can't possibly call him 'Pantsily', it just doesn't work, so the only alternative is to shout 'Pants' as loud as you possibly can. It still amuses me everytime I hear/shout/chant it.
Of course, the most amusing on most training grounds are the 'lookalikes' nicknames, such as Jimmy Bullard who alongside the most predictable 'Bully' was given the two nicknames of 'Mrs Doubtfire' and 'Maggie' (Thatcher - come on, don't tell me you've never noticed?)

As much as I love 'Pants', 'Mrs Doubtfire' and 'Maggie', I do have other favourites below are the best five.

1. 
   
   Diomansy Kamara Known as “Joe” because it’s a lot easier than saying Diomansy. 
2. 
   
   Patrick Vieira Or “Halifax”, at Arsenal, after the guy from the building society TV ads. He didn’t like it very much.
3. 
   
   Neil Pointon The former Manchester City and Everton defender was dubbed “Dissa”. Think about it . . .
4. 
   
   Fitz Hall The QPR defender was given the name “One Size” when he was at Oldham. One Size Fitz Hall. Total genius.
5. 
   
   Kiki Musampa Responded to the name of “Chris” at Manchester City. Chris Musampa. Oh yes. 

Katee.

Ouch! My Eyes, My Eyes!

So, sticking to the theme for the next month or so, THE WORLD CUP, I thought that I would review the WORST kits to grace the world stage.

From flames to stars, and from stripes to sweat patches, a few of these will be sure to make you hurl - so go on, 'ave a butchers!

What exactly were the designers of the USA Away 1998 strip thinking?

Seriously, I understand the whole stars thing, but what is with the green, this is the USA we are talking about! And with the red shorts!

This, the Brazilian goalkeepers shirt of 1994, is just plain odd. To me, it's just a whole lot of shapes and colours thrown onto a piece of fabric...

The goalkeepers shirt of Colombia, 1993 is truly shocking - squares in pink? Having said that, I AM loving the hair - in fact, it is a little like mine!

A whole lot of scribbles on a yellow shirt with long sleeves and arm pads... It could only be the Czechoslovakian goalkeeping shirt of 1990.

This has to be one of my favourites, I mean, I knew that footballers sweat, but I didn't know that they had to hide it with their clothing -surely they could just use Lynx or something? And that neckline is something that only Louie Spence could be proud of. Oh yes, and the matching gloves = GENIUS. (Italian goalkeeping shirt 2006)

Okay, this is just the ULTIMATE. Fire flames. Man, these guys were COOL. (Japanese goalkeeping shirt 1998)

And finally, the award for the most colourful strip goes to... (drum roll)... the Mexican goalkeeper of 1994...

Katee.

The 'Sometimes In Football You Have To Score Goals' World Cup Song Contest

My first post, it's an emotional time, but so is the World Cup.
As an unnaturally obsessive football fan, the build up to the World Cup is just as important as the actual World Cup, and the World Cup song is, to me, pretty much the pinnacle of the few months leading up to the AMAZING event.

So, seeing as Mr. Capello has decided to ban an official England world Cup 2010 Song, I want one to consider this years World Cup Song - and I want YOU to choose it.

I have shortlisted a list of 5 songs, and you can vote by choosing your favourite and voting on the poll in the sidebar.
Excited? You should be.
1. Three Lions 2010
By The Squad, featuring Robbie Williams and Russell Brand

2. Noble England

By Rik Mayall

3. Grab A Stella (Nelson Mandela)

By England United

4. When England Rule The World

By Chris Martini

5. Fabio

By The Competition

Which one should I adopt as my official England song? Vote in the sidebar to the right, (you have until the 8th of June), and feel free to leave a witty comment!

Katee.